BENEFIT of Listening = Peace of Mind

 "At times we listeners must dig deep within ourselves to move beyond our own judgements and opinions.”-Rosemary Zibart

For more information about The Compassionate Listening Project visit: http://www.compassionatelistening.org/news/press/115/listening-for-peace

In life we as people are very busy. We have multiple distractions. Distractions such as cell phones, computers, Ipods and television. One important benefit of listening is that it creates peace when conducted properly. Through communication where both sides are listened to we are able to create peace. Also we are never at peace but through listening we are not thinking nor speaking rather we are keeping both ears open to the words of the speaker. When you are not listening you are not learning. When you are not listening you are preventing opportunity. The fact that you do not listen reveals the reality that your mind is closed. When you are not listening you are preventing intelligence.  What could be more important then achieving peace?

How can I IMPROVE my bad listening habits?

As a listener and a talkative person, at times, I find myself wondering how I could free myself from my bad listening habits. Have you ever caught yourself doing more of the talking rather than the listening? Or failing to maintain eye contact with the speaker? Well good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you’re strengthening a relationship, resolving a conflict, or offering support in facing a crisis, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace. Breaking some common bad habits can truly help aid you on your path to becoming a more active listener and you may find yourself surrounded by others who are able to do the same.

Let's start from the #1 worst habit, once you notice that you as well do them that's a hint you should take action to avoid them:

1) Over talking this means dominating the conversation when you are to be listening. This could include inputting to much of your personal opinion when not needed.

2) Lacking interest, this is accomplished through showing through your body language how uninterested you are in the listener. This will result in making them feel completely uncomfortable speaking to you.

3) Minimal eye contact, this is when you are unable to maintain eye contact with your speaker. By not focusing on the speaker you show them disrespect and lack of interest.

How to Evaluate Your Listening Skills

It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to do!

Through this miniature evaluation it will vividly express your own listening skills. This should provide you will a realistic look at how well of a listener you are. Through previous blogs I have explained the importance of listening; now it’s your turn. This quiz is based on the skills you need to be a good listener.

<><><><><><> Stay focused<><><><><><> Be honest<><><><><><> Concentrate<><><><><><> Be accurate<><><><><><> Share the quiz!

Statement	Rating (1-5)
I concentrate on what is being said even if I am not really interested
I encourage others to talk by listening instead of speaking
I use questions to guide speakers so they will make their message clear to me.
I relay messages for clarity.
I give verbal feedback to tell speakers how they are getting through to me.
Score:

Ratings:

1-      This is if you almost never engage in this manner

2-      This is if you seldom engage in this in this manner

3-      This is if you sometimes engage in this manner

4-      This is if you usually engage in this manner

5-      This is if you almost always engage in this manner

Once you complete this mini quiz if most of your answers were rated 3 or more you are on the right track in becoming a good listener. Any statement ratings of 2 or below should show to you what you need to improve on.

How Often do we Really Listen?

Listening is a tool many think everyone is amazing at. It seems simple enough that one must just be quiet while someone speaks and that is active listening. The truth is that there are various things to keep in mind. Mastering this skill allows us to not only solve many problems at work or home, but also to see the world through the eyes of others, thereby opening our understanding and enhancing ourcapacity for empathy.

According to The Coaching Compass:

Most of us are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful about 75% of the time we should be listening.

We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1000-3000 words per minute.

Immediately after we listen to someone, we only recall about 50% of what they said.

More than 35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business.

http://thecoachingcompass.com/tag/listening-statistics/

These statistics show that many of us can listen but in most cases are not fully concentrated on the conversation. People don’t listen to what you say. People listen to what they say to themselves about what you say.

How to tell if someone is listening.

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.

-Jiddu Krishnamurti 

How could someone tell if someone is listening? Well are you a good listener? Should someone listen to you? Do you have someone important to say? These are questions that are taken into consideration when you are the speaker. Regardless people should have respect for the speaker even if they are not interested. That brings up the question of if most people are born with two functioning ears to listen with, why do people not take advantage of these given hearing devices?


Importantly one must look for signs when speaking to see if they have gotten the attention of their audience. One way anyone can tell if someone is listening is through one's techniques and body language.

1) Leaning towards the speaker shows interest.

2) If one folds their arms are shows they are not open for discussion.

3) Using direct eye contact with the speaker signals interest also. Look the speaker in the eye.

4) Tilting your head to one side or the other also demonstrates your focusing on what’s being discussed.

5) A common way to tell if someone is truly listening is whether they use any interjections or not. Some of these include, "mhmm, ohh, that's true".

6) Asking questions

Tip: If you're having a difficult time concentrating on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them. This will reinforce their message and help you stay focused.


Something to take into consideration is that some people have not developed all these skill but when these techniques are used it’s a great way to offer assurance that someone is listening.

For more information on how to tell someone is listening visit:
http://www.newkerala.com/self-help/Articles/Develop-Listening-Skills.html
or
http://www.ehow.com/how_2283228_tell-someone-really-listening-you.html

The Do's and Dont's of Listening.

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them."

— Ralph Nichols

Many people have grown bad habits when it comes to listening and some lack the importance of the basics. In one wants to enhance there listening skills I will provide a quick list of Do's and Don’ts of listening. The most important key to improve your listening skills is to get rid of your prejudices and negative perceptions. One must remember that inability to communicate is a result of failure to listen effectively to others.

Do's:

       Give eye contact.

       Do make sure that you can hear the speaker.

       Take brief notes.

       Face the speaker.

       Respond appropriately to show that you understand.

       Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree

Don’ts:

       Don't interrupt.

       Don't have emotional deafness.

       Don't decide in advance what other people will say.

       Don't avoid asking questions if you do not understand.

Why should I improve my listening skills? How could that possibly help in the "Real World"?

"We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking."

Simple questions can be answered with a simple answer. Listening is key in the business world when interacting with other beings. How could someone take you seriously if you cannot respect them while they are speaking? I am a customer service representative at a Scotiabank branch. The first thing I need to do when helping a customer is listening to why they have travelled to the branch. I not only need to listen but try to resolve or complete the task they have come to do by taking in the information they have given to me and working with my knowledge. For instance, if someone comes to deposit money I need to listen to exactly where they want to put, and what to do next for them. How could I possibly complete any task without listening first and talking second? In any job that involves some sort of interaction with co-workers, clients or bosses listening is the best way of making anyone feel comfortable around you.